Movie Cheat Sheet: Daddy’s Home 2, Murder On The Orient Express
This image released by Paramount Pictures shows Mark Wahlberg, left, and Will Ferrell in "Daddy's Home 2." (Claire Folger/Paramount Pictures via AP)
THE BIG STORY
I’m so tired of Will Ferrell’s garbage comedies. This weekend’s release of Daddy’s Home 2 is a painful reminder that our once beloved Ferrell has nothing worthwhile to give us on the big screen anymore.
It’s been nearly a decade since Ferrell has starred in a solid comedy, and since then, all of his work has been a collection embarrassing, humourless, cash-grabbing crap.
And to rub salt in the wound, while parading around on the press tour for DH2 this week (which will likely be his worst flick yet), Ferrell admitted that he and director Adam McKay had actually fleshed out a sequel to 2008’s Step Brothers (his last good film), but he passed on making it because he’s been too busy churning out trash.
According to Ferrell, “We had a whole story where John and I follow our parents to live in a retirement community and try to convince them that we earned the right to retire as well.”
Good call, Will. Why bother making a flick that your fans actually want to see? Give us another Daddy’s Home.
Mr. Ferrell, if you don’t want us to fully resent you, and forget your golden years, you need to start making better film choices. You’re becoming insufferable.
If you were one of the minuscule group of movie fans that was actually looking forward to the next entry in Universal’s Dark Universe, prepare for monstrous devastation. After one disgraceful flick, The Mummy, the studio’s heavily hyped monster movie franchise looks like it’s dead. It was just announced that the Dark Universe’s architects, writer-producers Alex Kurtzman and Chris Morgan, have officially bailed on the franchise. Based on how atrociously received The Mummy was, plus the fact that Bill Condon’s Bride of Frankenstein cancelled its production in October, it’s safe to assume that Kurtzman and Morgan’s exit signifies the end. Don’t count on an Invisible Man with Johnny Depp, a Dr. Jekyll with Russell Crowe or a Frankenstein’s Monster with Javier Bardem. But let’s be honest, it’s for the best.
Despite the fact that all of the Justice League trailers have looked putrid thus far, there is some good news surrounding next weekend’s release… moviegoers’ suffering won’t last too long. According to sources, Warner Bros. VP Kevin Tsujihara demanded that, in addition, to being lighter in tone, the film had to be less than two hours in length. That means we won’t have to endure Ben Affleck making a mockery of Batman for two and a half hours again this time. Amen.
Kevin inspires Ben
Speaking of Batfleck, Ben does deserve some praise this week for following in Kevin Smith’s footsteps and donating all of his future residuals linked to Harvey Weinstein films to charity. According to Ben, “any further residuals that I get from a Miramax or a Weinstein movie will go either to FI [Film Independent, a nonprofit that assists indie filmmakers] or to RAINN [an anti-sexual violence organization]. I just didn’t want to cash any more cheques from the guy, you know? Some people probably couldn’t afford to give all their residuals away, but even if you do 10 per cent, that’s something.” That’s a good look for you, Ben.
Get It done already
How has Jessica Chastain not been signed to play adult Beverly in It 2 yet? Director Andy Muschietti wants her to do it. Producer Barbara Muschietti wants her to do it. We want her to do it. Even Jessica want’s to do it. According to Chastain, “I love Andy and Barbara. I worked with them on Andy’s directorial debut... Barbara is one of my best friends so... Listen, of course, I want to work... they’re my friends. They’re like my family. Anything that they’re doing I want to be a part of, so I hope we can make it happen.” Lock it in already, Warner Bros. Get us excited.
BEST AND WORST IN THEATRES
Divided train: Murder On The Orient Express
Critics are divided over director-star Kenneth Branagh’s take on Agatha Christie’s classic murder mystery. While some are praising the film for its stunning look, style and killer ensemble cast (no pun intended), others feel that said cast is overcrowded and depressingly underused. Branagh, however, is being unanimously praised for his portrayal of Detective Poirot, despite his obnoxious moustache. It’s a toss-up. Board the train at your own risk.
Stay gone: Daddy’s Home 2
When Mark Wahlberg recently joked about hoping that God forgives him for starring in Boogie Nights, he really should have been repenting the fact that he teamed up with Will Ferrell for 2015’s Daddy’s Home. And the fact that he’s back for this sequel is truly cinematic blasphemy. Reviews have been held back all week on round two of this comedy blunder, which means that it must be less funny, less original and more insufferable than the original. Hard to imagine, right? Oh, and Mel Gibson is in it. Save your money, people.
“The tone of the film… I’m not going to say it is light because that would be doing it an injustice. It has a serious scenario with moments of humour and lightness peppered throughout. When people are in bad situations, gallows humor does come into effect. Like guys in the armed forces, a lot of them have really bizarre senses of humour, and it gets [them] through, and we have those. We have those in this movie.” — Henry Cavill doing a terrible last-minute sell job on next weekend’s Justice League. I can already smell the stink.